Published On:Monday, February 16, 2015
Posted by devil
Love Doesn't Live Here Anymore - There's No Reason to Stay
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Strange how something so life-altering comes stealing in like fog that rolls in and grows denser until it obscures the landscape; you wake up one day and it feels like a stranger is in your bed. Gone is the thrill of seeing their face, of robbing one more minute of time from the day to cuddle or of a shared yawn. Gone; what happened, where did the road turn, taking you to this strange place?
Barring some major event that you can't ignore, when relationships end the norm is that you just drift apart, barely noticing when it really ended. When did you stop paying attention, or realize you had less and less to talk about? When did you stop wondering why it can't be like it was before? About the time these thoughts become your reality, you mentally left with your heart in your hands; safe from any further breakage. Maybe you didn't say so; it's like a ballgame that should be over, called by run rules. Too far gone to make a comeback and win. You keep playing the game because you started playing on a team and it's all you know how to do; but not because your heart is in it.
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| Love Doesn't Live Here Anymore - There's No Reason to Stay |
If you stay long enough, even the pain is obliterated. Like a storm with winds blowing sand across the hills and valleys of what used to be, the tears, the fears and the resignation, all covered by the sands of time. And still, you stay. It's hard to change, to put an end to your plans. It's like having a relationship that is on a ventilator. Could it be saved if you just gave it more time? If you disconnect it, are you killing something precious? Over and over these thoughts roll across your mind; still, you know it is too late to save, too much damage has occurred. It takes courage to acknowledge this, and leaving is such a chore.
These emotions are all human, many fueled by the picture we painted in our mind. To really fall in love with another person requires a great deal of vision, imagination, faith in what can only be dreamed of and the willingness to trust. It is not easy to paint over all those glorious colors and images that we worked so hard to put on the canvas of our relationship. You don't have to hurry; you may have a lifetime to decide. But everyone loses when you both refuse to read the handwriting that is clearly written across the canvas.
There is an imaginary game some people play; it's called "I am staying because it would break their heart if I leave." You're kidding yourself; don't imagine that your partner has not noticed that you are absent in the relationship. People fight change; it's a little frightening. We image that we are safer in the place we know than the alternative that is unknown and strange to us.
If you are out of a relationship, own up to it. Freedom for both of you to begin again and build the best that can be in your lives is a single honest conversation away. It requires something that is difficult for humans, not so much for animals. You have to disconnect from emotion, delusion and denial. Logic rules when you are making life altering changes. Use the head on your shoulders to arrive at a logical conclusion. Oddly, the heart rarely leads us astray. It knows what it feels; its judgment is impeccable. Our hearts ability to correctly identify what is before it is obscured by the fog of denial and delusion. We're the masters of illusion when we play this game.
When it's time to close the door, do it without drama, chaos or confusion. Choose a simple straightforward approach without recriminations or the need to make the decision anyone's fault. This allows you to exit intact. There is no way to see what can be until you stop looking back. Your response to everything that happens in your life is the only control you will ever have; this is absolute. Make your response one that allows you to leave without a collision. You write the story; make the ending one that is memorable and that leaves you unbroken and proud of your efforts.
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