Men are often accused of being superficial; of choosing women on the basis of how they look rather than who they are. However, if the findings of a recent survey are to be believed, women are equally, if not more, guilty of being superficial when it comes to picking a 'potential date'.

The survey was conducted by an international dating service to find out what men and women find most desirable in a potential date. Flabby abs was a massive no for women; they wanted their men in shape, by playing sports such as kick-boxing and bodybuilding. Women also preferred men who were sensitive and wanted to have children in the future. On the other hand, men weren't as concerned about physical appearance as they were about how much skin is on the show. Men admitted that women are most likely to get their attention by flashing some leg or cleavage, regardless of how slim or attractive they are. So, are women as shallow as the survey indicates? We asked a few of them and this is what they had to say.

Neha Manek, a media professional, says, "This survey signals a paradigm shift in how women view men. For so many centuries, women had to have a man to validate their existence. They were considered ugly losers if they hadn't found a man. They needed a man to support them financially. Now, we can earn and buy our own homes. Women have begun to realise that not everything has to be practical and functional. Just as men have wanted attractive women for pleasure, women now seek attractive men. Also, more women are indulging in casual sex these days. Financial status and IQ are not that important in such relationships."

She adds, "The way blonde and busty women were looked upon as toys, cute, dimpled men are now seen as amusing accessories. I think women still hope that their relationships will last long — compared to men — but a lot of women are just looking for companionship and a little fun, with not many strings attached. So, they just need the guy to be good-looking." Zia Shah, an advertising professional, disagrees with the survey. She says, "While looks are important, that is not the only thing that attracts me to a man. Personality also plays an important role."

Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, feels attitudes are changing. She says a woman's selection criteria — when it comes to dating — is dependent on her ultimate goal. "If a woman only wants to date and not consider a long-term relationship, she will look for an arm candy. But, if she wants to consider marriage, in all likelihood, there will be more to consider than just good looks. So, her goal would determine her choice. The world today judges a book by its cover. Fitness, sculpted bodies, etc. carry a 'visual' value, even if only to create the first impression," she says. Chulani adds, "To that extent, the survey may be indicative of a trend that is slowly emerging. Be it products or people, there is a shift towards packaging and presentation. Doesn't matter what's inside as long as there is a 'wow' factor to create that first impression. Even for men, having a svelte and sophisticated woman by their side would do them good. There would be a problem only if you desire something 'more'. Beauty alone won't hold good for long-term relationship."

Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria, however, says people who make superficial choices are often plagued with complex emotional concerns. She explains, "This may not be true of all women. If they focus only on looks, they may be suffering from some complexes or emotional concerns. Looks cannot be the only criteria — attraction does not remain the same after the honeymoon phase.

Some girls, who may be society-conscious, may find it safe to be with a man who is presentable and may either match her status — or even elevate it. Some others, who may have apprehensions about commitment, would feel safer to be with a man who looks good and can be controlled, without fearing rejection. Relationships based only on outward appearance may be shallow and short-termed. Such a relationship may make the man feel 'used'."