Published On:Thursday, November 28, 2013
Posted by devil
50 SMSs a day don't point to a solid romance
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You are foolish if you think 50 texts a day to your lover points to a solid romance. Here's the truth about heavy texting and love
Once upon a time, the trunk call helped romance blossom. These days, a text message does the trick. But does it help or harm romantic relationships?
A Brigham Young University study, published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy last month, links heavy texting with "relationship dissatisfaction" in men and women. Of the 276 young people surveyed, 82 per cent texted each other multiple times every day.
Lori Schade, lead author of the study, says, in women, texting is linked to lower relationship quality when used to discuss serious subjects, while in men, it's the other way around. "Women may use it to reach out, and men may use it to avoid contact. We need more studies to make sure, but men's texting frequency had a negative association across several paths," Schade says. And that's odd because you'd assume higher frequency of text messages would point to relationship satisfaction and intimacy. "Men possibly text more to avoid interpersonal forms of communication, such as conversations that might have high emotional content. If this is a pattern, it can mean that such couples may not learn important interpersonal skills required to deepen and maintain a close intimate relationship with longevity," Schade says. Not all couples may agree, though. Thirty three year-old Chiranttana Bhatt says texting helped kickstart her relationship with husband Randhheer Vasavada. "Sometimes, SMSes makes it easier to express a concern or opinion that we'd find tough or awkward to do face to face," says the journalist, who admits to exchanging close to 50 texts a day with her husband. Dr Samir Parikh, director of mental health at a suburban hospital, agrees that texting works well for busy urban couples. A few texts sent in the course of the day can strengthen the attachment process. But texts should only be add-ons, never the primary form of communication."
Interestingly, text have turned into exactly what it shouldn't. In a 2012 study by Amanda Klein of Towson University, it was revealed that text messaging is now a primary medium in romantic and sexual correspondence. "While texting enables romantic partners to develop and maintain their relationships, it also may create a potential strain," she wrote in an article published in The Huffington Post. Participants in the study revealed that partners reading each other's SMSes was the most harmful aspect of texting.
And worse, if text messages are used to hurt, they can have a detrimental impact on a romantic engagement. "When people text, they cannot see the immediate impact the message had on their partners. Vocal communication lets people raise their voice to get their partner's attention. That's a mechanism that's absent in texting. Couples thus might use more aggressive language in order to get their partner's attention. Lastly, the message can be stored, so people can revisit messages repeatedly, reliving the negative experience multiple times," Schade says. Ruhi Trivedi, a 26-year-old writer who is a fan of text messaging, says it's the absence of non-verbal clues like tone of voice, facial expressions and body language that can lead to misunderstandings. In fact, experts agree that habitual and heavy texters often fail to practice the art of interpreting nonverbal visual cues. What all experts will tell you is that text messaging doesn't work when used for relationship maintenance — to resolve fights or get back on the same page. "It's ineffective in 'we need to talk' situations," says Parikh. "It's best if conflict and criticism is addressed through a one-on-one private conversation."
Texting then is clearly here to stay. But just that isn't going to lead couples into the sunset. For that, they'll need to Skype, Facetime, Hangout and interact the old-fashioned way — face to face.
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